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Someone wrote a book; “The Dilemma of life”, but mine is not worth that much so I will just sum it up in just a blog post. Starting with making the fact clear that I am not one of those people that everyone loves. My mother thinks I am the most laziest person alive and that all the kids in our lane are somehow better than me. No objection.

When it comes to losing stuff, I am gifted at it. And with time I have mastered this art to perfection. Forget the long lists of past, just last semester I lost my phone (which was a gift), my jacket (only once worn) and a backup flash drive, in the same week. Not to mention 1 pen every second day as a standard loss rate. Due to this habit of mine I expect my father to tell me to leave the house every next time. I am living in this house on last chances.

Teachers’ first impression of me is of an intelligent nerd, which I am not, so I screw their expectations ‘big time’. Don’t listen to what they say and write blogs about them. Thus in a few months they hate me ‘big time’.

My younger brother (age 11) blackmails me to do his homework. Girls hate me. They have every reason to. Dumb luck happens with me so many times that friends think I ditch plans on purpose. In a nutshell, this world can’t handle me. Who likes a self obsessed person who is more virtually alive than really. Who watch humans by day and TV series of ‘goras’ by night.

The neighbours on our right have a cat. It stares at me for hours (but I am too lazy to shuussh it away.) It wants to attack my face. I have white fur, green eyes and claws in my nightmares.On the opposite side live the neighbors with dogs. Their dogs have eyes on me. Its funny that these two foes live in the same lane in harmony. What units them is their common hatred for me. Once the boy was telling me that his dog had a dream last night of chewing my leg. Yes his dogs can actually speak to him. (or at-least I think so)

This world is nuts. I bet you, if aliens ever come to Earth, they will take me away, because I am the only sensible person here. Plus I is not suited for a planet like this, so primitive. We could be great but unfortunately our scientist never invented anything that might actually help people. Like something that helps us downloads the whole school curriculum into our brains. But we can only wish.

Yet after all this, I have a fast and perfectly working internet connection and in the end that’s what matters. Download speed is enough to keep me alive. And then they people say I don’t have a life. My life is perfect. Go fix yours.

For those who don’t read my blogs and tells me to quit being awesome; on your face people. I am awesome, was awesome and will stay awesome.

—————-

Finals coming up. You may not hear (::read) from me for a month from now. Itna ma parnay wala, but I will just give the impression that I am so into parhai for now.

Later perhaps. Stay awesome and enjoy your summer break. *crying from inside*

Bubbles are always good. Be it water bubbles that children blow for fun and play, or soap bubbles which attract children who are unwilling to take a bath. But there are also bubbles that are not technically bubbles but are used to make bubbles; we call them bubble gums.

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Yeah.. watch them.. aren’t they tempting you to chew

Its a sad fact that bubble gums are not allowed in our university campus. Here is the law as stated by the VC office representatives:

“Chewing gums are hereby declared haram in university territory. None is allowed to sell, trade or distribute any bubble gum or similar chewing material in the above stated region. Anyone found chewing, holding, transporting or storing such items will be expelled from the university at once. If you see one, kill at spot or call VC office.” (Text might be slightly edited for reader’s conveyance)

Thus the cafeteria department have no licence to sell bubbles. Twice it have been raided by forces on the slight smell of “fresh up” bubble gum. Yet none of these trick are able to stop the counter border trafficking of bubbles. Despite the three step through checking at main gate and using sniffing dogs that have violent response to bubble gum smell; dozens of bubbles are smuggled into the campus everyday. They are being chewed in every class room and lab.

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But the question is, why? why go through all this trouble for a few gums? The answer is simple. ‘Because they are worth it’. Bubble gums can be life saviors for a student.

Physiologists say that chewing bubble gum makes a person more attentive to the lecture. (Or one can be attentive to the chewing movement of jaws during bore lectures).

Studies show that people who chew bubble gums stay healthy and live longer. (chewing–>jaw and teeth workout —>healthy teeth—> easy to chew food—> properly chewed food —-> good health)

Also there are a number of fun things you can do with a bubble gum.

  1. Temporarily repair broken sandal. (It happens a lot in summers)
  2. Play stretch with it.
  3. Put it in a jar daily for safe keeping and when you have a gum ball big enough to attract attention. Auction it off to the highest bidder.
  4. Use it as earplugs in annoying lectures.
  5. Hang it from one ear and give people an impression that your brain is leaking.
  6. Extinguish a match stick.
  7. Blow bubbles and take photos for instagram as it bursts on your face.
  8. Create a spider web. Laugh at the spider caught in it. Laugh again because of the irony.
  9. Put it on a chair, laugh at one who sits on it.
  10. Smear it on your hands and climb up walls like spiderman.                                                               and many more like, etc and etc.

Yes its true. Isn’t it amazing? You can do all this with a mere bubble gum. So after considering all these plus points, I strongly support the revival of bubble gums in university. I personally recommend bubble gums to students of all ages.

THE END

*BTW the girl in the pic have nothing to do with my university. Obviously because its an engineering school and engineering girls always look weird. (At-least in my head). Don’t be offended if you are a girl and engineering student at the same time. You can still take a biology exam and go to medical school. :p

Thats all for now. Later perhaps. Stay awesome

Its gonna be boring so I will keep it short. This zubaida appa’s ad “aab gorra ho ga Pakistan” got me thinking, we Pakistanis always fall for a fair complexion. Not only us, but more than half of the world. We have many colored celebrities getting cosmetic surgery to look fair. Also we like people with colored eyes, like cats and redheaded and blonds. Maybe its because we take the definition of beauty as granted. Not getting into trouble of sorting out its truth for ourselves. Actually beauty is a fashion, a trend that changes with time. Maybe one day after centuries of evolution, trolls will be the new beauty.

While everyone is busy posting annual selfies with their moms, there is a unnoticed force working beneath, putting questions in young minds. That force is TANG. Yes, TANG, that yuk flavored powdered thing. Here is a small peek at what its feeding to young and innocent minds.

An "Anti-Mummy Oppression" summit in session.

An “Anti-Mummy Oppression” summit in session.

1) The TVC starts with kids raising slogans [Mummy ke nahi chalay gee]^2. Meaning: Mothers are oppressors. Rise and take a stand against these dictators.

2) In the ad, mothers easily accept their children’ demands. Why? Because they are afraid of kids’ unity. Which is entirely pointless and they know it. But they put it there as food for thoughts for kids. What will their mother do to them under these circumstances? Beat them up with a chappal or a broomstick of-course. Oh the terror of that; they are the terrorists.

3) Mothers accept the demand of a  new TANG flavor everyday. (But the week is of 7 days and there are only 4 TANG flavors). Meaning: Mothers are lairs. They use deception and trickery to fool innocent children.

Final (hidden) TANG Verdict: Mothers are not to be trusted at any cost. #LongLiveTheRebellion

I demand this TVC be banned before the women rights NGOs get you.

#HappyMothersDay to all.

Senior Smokers

Posted: May 10, 2014 in Humor
Tags: ,

It is said that the cigarette smoke always finds the person who hates it the most. In many countries, people are fined for smoking in a public place. Unfortunately ours is not one of those many countries. I am not against smoking (or maybe I am) but smoke when you are alone or with other smokers. Not in a park or a bus, and definitely not on someone’s face (don’t ask, how? because this is the whole inspiration of the post).

And then there are the-smoking-elderly (sounds like grand masters of a smoking legion), they smoke cigarettes with such style as if its a video shoot. What are you doing old people? Come to your senses. Smoke a pipe or a cigar, or a huka if you have to, but not a cigarette stick. Its like disturbing the natural balance of the whole universe.

I think of all smokers of the world as one big brotherhood. Now who will give you an ice-cream stick for free? but smokers love to share. Two complete strangers share and lit up each other’s cigarette sticks as if they are high school buddies.

Note: If you are a smoker, then don’t take it literally.

Out of Ideas for now. Later perhaps. TC

I hate Sajjad Ali and the people who like Sajjad Ali and the songs of Sajjad Ali and the looks of Sajjad Ali and everything else with Sajjad Ali. Maybe thats enought with the word “Sajjad Ali”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3xKSY7LAj0

This is a video released yeastrday on the 21st anniversary of a song BOLO BOLO by “Sajjad Ali”. Ring any bells? Me neither. Maybe I saw him at Pakistan Idol (the show itself is disgrace of Pakistani Music) but its a show I don’t watch. My other memory was like “Oh woh singer jiss nay ‘Panio owr Kashteon’ wala song gaya tha”. I only remember it for that camera trick where a sofa and a TV appears from nowhere on a beach. That was ‘wow’ for a 7 year old but later I grew up to know its a cheap trick that anyone can do with a toy camera. Since that day I always confused him with the ‘PTV magician’ every Eid transmission. Maybe they are long lost twin brothers or something.

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Moving on to the video. The guy is crazy. He turned himself into a 30 year old, while his 70s are obvious.  Who are you fooling with these retouch effects. The worst thing about the song is the music, but the lyrics have even pass that limit of badness. It goes like this:

bolo bolo bolo kia dekha
tumne mere mein
kia dekha
wese to chehre hazaron hain
meri udas nigahon mein tumne kia dekha

[Meaning] This guy have found something; or better say something have found this guy. He is giving out the impression that that something might be a girl friend; of which he have no chance. He can’t believe his luck as he have got a total rondu face and look like twin brother of a circus magician.

meri gari dekhi
ya mera bangla dekha
ya mera sara bank balance dekha
mere sapne dekhe
na mera jazba dekha
na mera toota hoa dil dekhaaa

[Meaning] Now he is just being shoda. Have you seen my car, my house or my bank balance (while secretly praying someone don’t ask). Later he talks about some immaterial things he have.

tumhe pyaar mujh se nahin hai
pyaar mujh se nahin hai
pyaaar mujh se nahin hai

pyaar mujh se nahin hai
pyaaar mujh se nahin hai

pyaar mujh se nahin hai
pyaaar mujh se nahin hai

mein tum se door chala jaoon
ya paas chala aoon

mein andar aa jaoon, ya bahar chala jaoon

school chala joon, ya ghar chala jaoon

And the shit continues…….

Don’t know if its even a song or did I just wasted my time.