101 Poondi Laws with The Hamster

Originally posted on The Pindi Boy:

*Note – I in no way endorse or sponsor poondi. :p

*Note- Most of this post will be in Urdu.

Poondi. It’s an art. A beautiful desi art. That has been perfected over the years. If you don’t know what it really is read this before continuing –http://hamstershorts.wordpress.com/2010/07/20/poondi/

This is jut going to be an add on to that post because noobs that suck at poondying. Really piss me off. Not saying I’m really good. I just like to think I’m really good so I’m going to highlight some poondi laws. Some of them are by me some of them aren’t by me. You’ll just have to figure out which ones.  (Most of them will be in Urdu so to any English readers sorry but I’m not sharing the art of poondi with you.)

1. Agar us nay ring pehni houi hai. It’s still ok. Tum nay kon si shaadi…

View original 261 more words

Poondi

Originally posted on The Pindi Boy:

Well it’s that time of the year again, where poondi activites reach new levels of obscene in Pakistan.  Obvisouly some people are really good at it and they pull it off without looking like perverted jerks. While others are really bad at it and well they end up looking like perverted jerks.  Here is my fail attempt to classify them.

(Poondi- A Pakistani Art in which we stare at women in public places. That’s all we do. Just stare for countless hours. The men who most take part in Poondi are above 50 or below 25)

1- Amatuer Poondi-ers.

Their plan is simple and easy. Stare at every woman that you see in public whether

a) She’s wearing a scarf.

b) She’s older than your grandmother.

c) She’s just plain ugly.

Do not care if the woman is being creeped out or not just keep staring  because it’s the decent…

View original 245 more words

Bring-your-umbrella-to-school Day

After my trust in Bing weather was completely lost, came the day when my mother believed it for the first time. “Aaj dow bajay barish hai, chatri laay k jana” [Its gonna rain at 2pm. Take your umbrella with you.] I tried to reason with her. I told her how Bing weather app is responsible for trust issues worldwide. ‘But the power of the mom could not be undone’. As univ it started raining and I realised that this might be the first time I have ever brought one to university. It felt odd. It felt girly. and the fact that most of the girls had umbrellas with them, only made it worse. (There were boys too, but they were invisible to me at that time.) So after it stopped raining, I tried to walk with my umbrella like 70s British gentlemen did with sticks. People could easily have confused it with Charlie Chaplin walk. After an hour of swishing, flicking, spinning and balancing, I gave it to a friend to hold for a sec. As he took it in his hand, something took over him, (maybe the strong will of umbrella to be played with). He opened it up and tried to do a dance step. He might be doing Rihanna’s Umbrella dance, but from where I stand it looked like a 12-year-old loosing control over umbrella in strong wind and falling.

umbrella-history_5185b734820c4_w1500

Short history of umbrella

Wonder if anyone has ever care to search for history of umbrella. How this started? What is date of origin of this innovation? My theory is that one day mr.caveman was out on a hunting trip to avoid his girlfriend when it started to rain. He was not scared of getting wet but the rain might ruin his fancy leather wrap. He thought taking shelter under a tree would be a good idea, although it wasn’t. So he did. Now he miss the shelter of his cave. He imagined if the tree could walk, he could walk with it to his cave. Maybe even give him a ride (Lord of the Rings much). If only I could pick a tree, he thought. Then he saw a shrub and pulled it out. He held it as the frist ever umbrella and walked his way cave. The next day, it was still raining. He reached for his umbrella but it was dead with all leaves fallen out. He tried putting other shrub umbrellas in the water at his cave so it wont dry, but it didn’t work long. Now he took its main stem and put his leather wrap on its branches, completely forgetting what he ran under the tree for. Black umbrellas believe that was the father of all of their kind except pink umbrellas.

yellow umbrella

Umbrella Racism

Umbrella is one of those inventions that are so commonly used, yet never not fully given credit for. Like trains for example. There are movies, poems , songs on them. Its wont be fail till Top Gear reviews Umbrellas too. On the other hand what movies have done is promote Umbrella racism. No 80s themed movie is complete without a rainy scene with dozens of black umbrellas but not a single coloured one. Yes we have a yellow umbrella too, but we still don’t know to whom it belongs. (ref: How I met your mother.) Had it been a black one, they should have specified the owner. PinkUmbrellaRightsOrganization is not one bit happy with this racial discrimination with their brightly coloured community.

ParaNatural

Once there were two brothers. Younger brother Sammy Ullah and elder brother Salah-ud-Dean. Their father had a fight with thier mother and she left them to go live at her maikay-ghar. Saludin takes care of Sami while their father is at work. However Saludin is obsessed with Umroo-Ayar horror stories and reads them to Sami. These story booklets come free with 10Rs papar which they both like. Their father have often told them that it’s not good for their stomach but kids are kids. Being home alone with nothing else to do, with time they invented their own jin-fighting pretend game. As Sami goes to school and Saludin don’t, Sami is more inclined towards StarWars. He wanted Jedi force but Saludin didn’t wanted to spoil his jin-bhoot game with scifi stuff so he didnt let him at first. However later when Sami insisted, he let him use jedi powers but only rarely. Sami cries sometimes for daddy but Saludin tells him that they have to complete their ‘mission’ first and then they will go to him. As their father comes very late, Sami often sleeps before he returns and wakes when he is already gone early morning. Thus most of the stuff his father says come to him in third person from Saludin. And it goes on and on. Supernatural-poster

This story may seem familiar because its kinda the behind-the-series story of Supernatural s1. They say don’t judge a book by its cover. Similarly don’t judge supernatural by its first season. Give it a chance. It gets better and better with time. You can watch first 2 eps and then last 2 of the 1st season if you are in a rush to catch up. But I won’t recommend rushing through other seasons. My opinion of the show is still controversial but its a really good show if you are into light horror. It also has a pinch of all the ingredients for a great show, like fun, drama and suspense. If you are not a big scifi fan it’s even better. Made for Pakistanis that grew up listening to ‘jin kha jay ga. bahwa kha jaay ga’ like fear provoking lines. Excluding those who issue fatwas in a heart beat.

Chain of Series

In this short I will try to link some of the shows I have watched (atleast 1 season or 5 episodes if not full series). So tell me. Do you like X-men? Than you would also like Alphas. If you like Alphas, you will most definitely like Heroes. If you like Heroes you will like Lost, and then Prison Break. More such examples include:

  • > Star Wars> Star Trek> Battlestar Galactica> Firefly> Dr.Who
  • A Marvel fan after watching Agents of Shield will one day be a DC fan. A DC fan is always a Batman fan. Batman fans> Gotham> Arrow> The Flash
  • Mirror Mirror> Round the Twist> Joey 101> Big Time Rush> iCarly> Victorious> Cat and Sam
  • > Friends > How I met your mother …
  • > The OC > Gossip Girl > Suits > White Collar
  • Vampire Diaries> The Orignals> Teen Wolf> Supernaturals > Constantine

If you like watching TV a bit, you will most definitely like watching Sherlock and Game of Thrones. If you like both of these (like normal grown ups do) then you should also give a chance to Hannibal > True Detective> The Walking Dead> Vikings. If your favorite show isn’t in these chains, its maybe coz I haven’t watched it yet, or I just forgot to mention it. So rather than judging me for the amount of time I spend in front of a screen, just comment its name below.

A university clamity

*It’s not poetry, or lyrics of a rap song, or script for broadway musical. Just wanted to try something with rhyming words. Don’t judge.* Once upon a time, a teacher came to town. Asian he was, but he was not brown. The school he came to was without comparison. Motives were clear: Licence 007, to kill student without reason. They didn’t gave him his cubicle. He was a visiting staff, so they thought its okay. Campus security was negligible. They know students are gonna die slowly anyway. “People talk about hell, I have been there.” I have seen things out of your wildest imagination. After vacations, I returned with determination. Evil spirits begone. 3rd semester, oh you are ON. A new semester, a fresh start. There were freshies. We were no more rookies. Unaware of the hell that awaits, they decided to stay. Poor souls didn’t know the only way to stay, is to stay away. With pen in my hand and that something in my heart, I borrowed a sheet of paper to write on. I was ready for The Teacher. He missed the class first day. Didn’t came to second either. Later he came late and let us go as so. Late to class and early to rise, was fun though it was not wise. “Oh teacher Oh teacher,” I called far and loud. “Why you no teach me. My thirst for knowledge has reached me. I did my assignments. I submitted them in time. Why you blamin me, for the fault that isn’t mine?” “Rats ate your assignments and quiz got stolen by a crow.” “But that’s impossible.” “Oh it’s so, it’s so.” “You sound like someone I know. He always says ‘Chill Karo.” “Dont worry my dear. It will pass, this fear. Grade follows the student, not the other way around. I heard it from my teachers, what goes around comes around.” “What twisted comedy is this, Its my grade you are playing with.” “You must leave now. If I could do something, I will let you know.” “A fun question before I go. ‘They say a smell triggers a memory. Than why does a certain lab reminds me of bakramandi?” [True story] :p

How I met your Friends

Friends-V-HIMYM-friends-vs-how-i-met-your-mother-31633450-400-400

↑HIMYM – Friends↓

It all began on September 22, 1994 when the most amazing sitcom in the history of the world was aired for the first time. Its name was Friends. It ran for 10 years. Like all things great, it had to end one day, and it did on May 6, 20o4, with its 236th episode. By the end of the same year, its spinoff, ‘Joey’ started. It wasn’t that successful and ended after 2 seasons. With the elements taken from both these shows, another amazing sitcom ‘How I met your mother’ started in 2005. It too was a great success with its 9 seasons. It came to an end on March 31, 2014 with its 208th episode. The Friends vs HIMYM has been a hot duel among the fans since then. The only way to resolve this is however to watch these shows yourself in the order they were released. I did and found HIMYM 60% copied from Friends and Barney Stinson 40% from ‘Joey’. But should I hate it? After the end of Friends, a show that made me laugh with it, cry with it and everything, I still love HIMYM coz it has a similar tone to it. A pudding yes, but a great one.

So winner: Friends (obviously), 2nd place: How I met your mother.

Doesn’t agree? You don’t have to.

Previous Older Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 159 other followers